This Too Shall Pass

May 5, 2011 by mdadbin

by M Dadbin

I saw her pull the pack from her purse.  I stood there in agony as she flipped open the top and pulled it out in almost one fluid movement.  She brought the cigarette to her mouth, threw the empty pack on the ground, then fumbled in her purse for a lighter.  Finding it, she flicked on the lighter in the same experienced movement almost all smokers seem to possess, touched fire to paper, and lit up.

Dear God, I was dying and she knew it.   She drew deep on the cigarette almost passionately, then let the breath out slowly.  I watched as the smoke floated around her like karma, then it disappeared into the brilliant sun.

Casually I asked, “Hey, you got another one of those?”  I knew the answer, and so did she.  We could have done this in our sleep; it was our routine.  “Nope, sorry,” was all she would say.

“How about a drag, then?”  My mouth watered as she drew another breath of that sweet, luscious blend of tar and chemicals.  “Whatever.  You know perfectly well your husband would kill you if he smelled smoke on you.”  As she spoke, the smoke blew out of her mouth in small puffs.  “Besides, you haven’t smoke in like 3 years.  Don’t screw it up now.”  She smiled, and in that moment I could have strangled her.  She knew as well as I did that her reasoning was bullshit.  He would have smelled the smoke anyway and know it was hers.

So I continued to stand there, as nonchalantly as possible, and tried not to watch her every move.  The way she delicately flicked the ashes from long, beautiful fingers.  The way she would bring the cigarette to her mouth, and her face would scrunch up, almost in a grimace.  Then the way it would relax, her eyes half-closed, her lips parted, her breath slowly releasing the smoke and scent and desire.

And then it was over.  Almost as soon as it started, it was over.  The cigarette was flicked away like an afterthought, and my raging need diminished before it could swell up and consume me.  “Ready for lunch?”  she asked.  “Yes,” I answered, and we walked into the restaurant.